Fireworks … Fairy Tales … and Fire Extinguishers

Exactly what world do we live in that the idea of giving of yourself in a way that shows you truly love someone is now an inconvenience? Did something happen between I love you and actually making that commitment? Did Prince Charming decide to take a rain check on romance? Is that why the movie, Sleeping Beauty ended after the kiss that woke her from her endless sleep; because they didn’t want us children to see that in reality once he won the girl, he stopped trying to win her heart? Now the same goes for all types of relationships: both people involved should never allow someone’s heart to sit on the back burner. After a while you won’t be able to extinguish the flames once they start to burn away all you worked so hard to get in the first place. Anyone who says that love shouldn’t be work obviously never made the attempt at keeping it in the first place. Everything worth having in life takes work.

Take a job, or career path. You have always wanted to be a firefighter, for example. Did you think that once you got the job you wouldn’t have to show up at any more burning buildings? No! There will always be another burning building, another obstacle, a challenge, heartache – it’s called life. It’s those who can stay with you and weather through the storm who deserve to be around once it clears. If they can’t be with you at your worst then they don’t deserve you at your best.

Because it’s not that you are asking them to fight your war for you, but to stand by your side throughout the battle. If not, you may as well hand her a fire extinguisher and tell her to walk into the burning building herself, with no backup.

Granted you can’t plan on timing; some people are faced with a ton of challenges in the beginning, and others may never see them – or not till they have spent years together. But in no way does that mean it’s not worth trying to get through those times. If you fell for someone’s heart, the way they loved you, how they valued life and everyone in both of yours, how they cared for you and always put you before them; just because they are facing the most difficult and on-going struggles of their life, causing them to not be as happy-go-lucky as they were the day you met, does not make them less of who you fell for. They are the same person, just facing difficult decisions. How would you feel if you were going through the same thing: life hitting you from all sides and all you wanted to do was cry, unable to see your way out. Or if you were in some form of pain from a disease, accident, sickness, all uncontrollable to you, and they decided right in the middle of it, “ Oh well, this is out of my comfort zone; you are adding too much stress in my stressful life” and they walk away from you? You can’t plan on when problems arise. All you can do is control how you handle yourself through those situations. Are you going to be a hero to them, as you would want them to be for you, or would you run away and not face the issue because you can’t be bothered … you’re too busy? I believe in the sacredness of what love entails and will always fight for what is worth holding on to, worth valuing. And that coincides with valuing the things they value in their heart as well. You love all of someone, and their dreams; supporting those dreams is what makes you stronger. Never ask them to let the dream go because you don’t understand why they want it so badly. If you have to let them go because it means too much to them, and it’s something they need and can’t live without, then you need to let them go. But never ask them to choose or make them feel guilty for wanting whatever it may be. Great relationships aren’t great because they have no problems; they are great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work. Make an effort, not an excuse!

Another huge killer is lack of follow through. How can someone trust your word in other areas of your relationship if you have yet to follow through with a single promise, plan, or idea that came out of your mouth? If you say you will call, do so. If you say you want to help, help. If you say you support someone; do not change your mind once you return home. If you say you love someone, don’t just say it, show it. It takes a lot of courage to trust again after what you may have been through in the past, and in turn to trust that the person you are with now will not put you through that again. Actions will ALWAYS speak louder than words ever will. Saying you will do something, and actually doing it, is an amazing quality to build a firm foundation upon. Then when you say to trust you, they will.

Next, don’t ever let anyone treat you as a second option if all else in their life fails. “If my plans fall through I’ll spend time with you.” “If I can’t find anything to do I’ll be all yours.” “If the career I want doesn’t pan out then we can start a life together.” The person you love, above all else, should be your first choice. Because once the friends fade away or don’t have time for you, hobbies get old, and money runs out, it’s the person who was willing to be your side through it all that makes life worth living for. The one to come home to at the end of the day, the one you wake up to each morning, the one you choose to grow old with; that is the one worth devoting your energy and time towards. Jobs change, friends move away, interests change, but the only constant is whose heart you wish to protect during this journey. Who will be holding yours tonight? Waiting for someone who is your first priority when you are only their last choice, is like waiting for rain in the desert: unfulfilling and unrealistic.

So let’s move on to special days and holidays, especially Valentines day, your birthday, etc… Please tell me how the majority of women (or individuals) on this planet, when in any type of relationship, would like to feel or be acknowledged on the largest, longest running, critically and box office acclaimed holiday of the year? Or in turn on the one day of the year that celebrates them existing on the planet in order to be in that special someone’s life? Let me fill you in … a Facebook message doesn’t count! Cards are nice, but did you just sign your name, or take the time to write a personal message? Did chivalry die or is life so hectic that that special someone wasn’t worth taking the time to be creative for? I live for that! If love has carried me into a twitterpated existence, my subconscious and conscious state of mind go into overdrive. We are talking nitrous oxide, a Fast and Furious type of overdrive! I begin to memorize favorite foods, flavors, desserts, hobbies, likes, surnames, personal jokes, and/or private shared interests. In short… I pay attention! Rocket science isn’t it? Well it shouldn’t be. When two people love each other, joy in life comes not just from self-proclaimed fulfillment, but the small things you do to bring a lasting smile not only on their face but in their heart. That’s the kind of love that I crave. Totally and irrevocably consuming and intoxicating type of love. Those types only come along few, if only once, in a lifetime. Many don’t know they had it till it was too late and others are too consumed in their own needs they miss it altogether. There are some people who could hear you speak a thousand words and still never understand you, while others will understand you without ever having to speak a word. Invest in those who you need never explain your heart to, and what it longs for, the right one will know and figure it out on their own.

Be warned: protecting what’s between you and your loved one – that sacred, intimate bond – from outside influences is of major importance. Last I checked you were the ones living this life and this relationship… not family members, friends, coworkers, etc. Respect is earned and goes both ways and respecting your partner and what you have with them against those whose opinions try to sway you from them, is showing disrespect in your relationship. It is mentally exhausting and unnecessary and will take its toll if not ruin what you worked for. Even in my own experiences in the past, having myself as well as my own family affected by close people in his life in a negative way, made holidays and our personal life unbearable. So yes, outside influences also have a negative effect on any relationship. Unless someone is outright out to hurt your child, or is a horrible person, knowing when to back off and let them live is the best advice I can give. It’s not your life to puppeteer. Or in turn being adult enough to know when it’s time to tell someone to mind their own business, and continue to keep protecting the one you love’s heart and your relationship is a sign of devotion, maturity and independence.

Enough with the seriousness; onto the reverie. Love to me will always come first in my life. The quality of love you encompass is when you come home to that special someone who appreciates you the same as you appreciate them. Experiencing all the joys and thrills life has to offer with them by your side, one day starting a family of your own, and seeing a part of both of you in the eyes and features and characteristics of that child, falling asleep and waking up in their arms, growing old together and never taking them or the time you have with them on this earth for granted.

So who am I? If you take Carrie Bradshaw’s Sex in The City wit, perception, sense of humor and love for fashion and stick her in a Jane Austen novel with Mr. Darcy, from “Pride and Prejudice,” add in a few scenes from “The Notebook”…. with a side of Edward from “Twilight,” then, well, there you have Me! Total romantic; deep on all levels, and loves to be swept off her feet and inspired. Though I am the modern woman who can take care of herself and doesn’t need anyone to carry her, a strong arm to lean on and a love letter is an incredible thing and goes miles beyond what money can buy!

In this day and age, as technology becomes more advanced and more is at our fingertips, the less people wish to hold in their hands the things that mean the most in life… things that money can’t buy … love. We evolved from the Stone Age to then see people’s hearts start to be made of that rock. How many brick walls have to be built, or good people’s hearts need to be played like the strings of a guitar before we end up a species of uncaring, emotionless, empty shells? Soon our children’s children will be reading about romance in the history books, and how that became extinct like the dinosaurs and mammoths. We didn’t pass the laws of feminism to be treated less femininely. Not saying the entire female population agrees with me, but I know a large percentage who understand this point and longs for it as I do. We are evolving into a population that says “it’s fine” so often because we gave up waiting for and wishing Prince Charming would stay as charming as the day they met. Life changes, people change, no one stays the same. The key is to respect that person enough to grow and find ways to get to know them through those stages in life as they occur. In turn you both grow and evolve together. Because it is those who stay with you through the hardest and saddest of times that deserve to be in your life when the storm passes. It’s those individuals who know the meaning of love and continue to make magic happen. That is what life and love is all about. Before romance is sitting alongside of Julius Caesar and the Iliad, let’s wake up and start to re-write how our future will be written. Remember who we were and what is important, and in the meantime pack up your pride, self-centeredness, and “grass is greener on the other side” mentality, and see what you are missing out on before you miss it altogether. Just because a fireworks show comes only once a year, doesn’t mean the fire can’t continue burning its loving flame every day that follows.

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